Holidays

Daily writing prompt
What is your favorite holiday? Why is it your favorite?

St. Patrick’s Day has always been my favorite holiday and I’ve never really known why. I always loved dressing in all green, even though I don’t like the color green. I always thought it was so much fun. I guess, any holiday you can dress up for was fun to me.

Now that I’m older and have lost my mother, a lot of the holidays are hard for me. Especially the ones she loved the most, Thanksgiving and Christmas. The two holidays that really brought family together. She really loved those holidays when we’d all get together, eat, and talk, and just hangout. Those are the hardest for me now because she isn’t there for them anymore.

Friendships

When you’re growing up you don’t realize how different your life my be when you’re an adult. I definitely wasn’t miss popular, but most people knew me because I grew up in a small town, and most people knew my parents or my family. I had friends growing, here and there. But meet my best friends the year of 8th grade. We were friends all through high school and a few of us were still pretty close after we graduated.

But as the years go on and you get older, people move on with their lives. Building families, starting careers or college, move away, etc. We all fell in love and life started to get in the way. We had kids or health issues and eventually stopped talking as much.

Now, the only interaction with adults I get, besides ranting to my husband, is when I’m at work or on social media. Which to be fair, who knows if it’s actually adults or children prentending.

It’s lonely as an adult. Especially for someone who doesn’t have any siblings, one dead parent, and the other parent over 1200 miles away and we barely speak. I have no true friends, just people in passing really. Coworkers, distant family members, doctors. Those aren’t people you usually invite to your house to hangout or whatever.

So, how do you meet friends as an adult?? I’m lost. I haven’t really “made” friends in at least 15 years!

Future Me

Daily writing prompt
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

This one is hard for me, because honestly, I have no idea. In ten years, i will be almost 43 with a 19 year old son, an 18 year old daughter and a 14 year old daughter. I’m just now starting to finally understand myself better. Learning who I am every day. In ten years there is no telling what could be going on in our lives for me to make this assumption.

I will say I would like to have been in college at least four years by then. Be working with animals in any way I can, hopefully in a way to make their futures better and to increase species instead of them continuing to decrease. I will hopefully have a better relationship with my father by then, and possibly his new soon to be wife. I want to be in a better place finacially by then. Absolutely. I’ve been working on that lately already. We are finally in a place where I can put money back for saving because we are actually living paycheck to paycheck. Most people say those words but what they actually mean is the check runs out a few days before pay day and they are scrubbing to get by. Trust me, I know what they mean. I’ve been in that position the majority of my life, and I can tell you that right now is the only time our checks have actually lasted past the next payday. I see myself driving my 14 year old around everywhere so she can hangout with friends. Haha. I don’t know, it’s a while from now and it’s honestly hard to see anything. It’s too soon to tell, I guess.

Happy Little Things

Daily writing prompt
What are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness?

My family. My husband, my children, my daddy, my siblings-in-law, my mother-in-law, all of them. I don’t know where I’d be without any of them. They fill my life with so many emotions, but happiness is the biggest one.

My pets, and all animals really. My sweet Henry (Dalmadoodle), my Ali cat (shorthair tabby, Alice), and my Sonny boy (shorthair orange tabby). They are just like my children. I spoil them just as often. Toys, treats, games, switch up their foods so they have variety. I also have several birdfeeders around my home because I absolutely love birding, and watching any animal in my yard really. Or just going out with my camera to see what I can find, even the smallest of cool creatures.

God and Jesus. It brings me happiness to know I always have someone on my side. Someone I can talk to about my feelings, the worries on my mind, ask for help when I don’t know where to turn. Because of You and the strength You give me, I have not given up on this life. I have pushed through all of my demons and continue to shine with You by my side.

Helping anyone any chance I can. I may not always be able to help anyone with money issues, but I will try. I will help in any way I can, even if it’s just something as small as grabbing someone a coffee when they don’t have any money. It’s not hard to make someone’s day and it usually starts with a smile.

Busy work. I know that sounds crazy and you’re probably thinking, “Kris, really? Who get happy with busy work??” I do! I like cleaning, and organizing and stocking. I like errands and making lists to check them off. Now that I know more about myself, it all makes sense. So I give in to those cleaning desires, because why put myself through the distress of just not cleaning it when it is in no way at all hurting anybody that I wipe my white walls clean 12 times a day and clean my bathroom 4 times. It’s not hurting anybody and my house looks and smells nice. So, I indulge in the things I like. And that brings me joy. because at the end of the day, I feel accomplished, the house smells nice, my chores are done, and I’ll sleep like a newborn after all that work.

These are only 5 things that bring me happiness, of course there are plenty more. But those are for a different day.

Did we have any of the same answers? If so, which ones? What brings you happiness?

Unique Aspects

Which aspects do you think makes a person unique?

Honestly, I don’t think there is anything specific when it comes to uniqueness. Literally every person is different. I believe that everyone is unique, weird, and crazy in their own way, because who can really say what normal is.

I guess, to answer the question, I would say that personality is what makes everyone unique.

Not Famous

If you could have something named after you, what would it be?

Honestly, I’ve never given any thought to a question like this. I think if I had the chance to have something named after me, I don’t think I would want it to be some material item. If that makes sense. I want to find ways to help our wildlife. I want to come up with ideas for ways to save certain ecosystems. I want to reach the hearts of others on touchy issues about our oceans and commercial fishermen.

If, and when, I get to make those changes in this worls, I would possibly want those techniques named after me maybe. but honestly, i don’t even care about the recognition. I just want our wildlife to thrive because it’s our fault as the human race that so many animals, creatures, and aquatic life have died off and continue to die off daily. We are the reason this Earth is dying faster than she is supposed to. We are the reason so many different species have gone extinct, and the reason so many species are still dwindling down in numbers.

We lock wild animals up in cages for entertainment, kill off mothers of aquatic animals to keep their offspring for food, parts, or entertainment as well. And I’m not talking about the rescue type places that rescue animals in need and release (if possible) them back into their habitat once fully recovered. Those people are a blessing to mother nature.

I think people have forgotten that once we destroy Earth, there will be nothing left for us. We need to stick together and maintain her! It’s up to us (humans) to keep her safe and strong. and filled with wildlife and nature. But we as humans are greedy, taking everything she has to offer without filling her cup back up.

Sad Realities

Daily writing prompt
When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?

When I was five years old I wanted to be a veterinarian. I’ve always had a soft spot for animals. Animals of any kind, I’ve always loved them all. Now that I’m older, I have changed my mind about that. I do still want to work with animals, any way I can. But I do not want to be a vet anymore. I honestly don’t care for how their businesses run. Vets and animal hospitals will literally turn animals away if you can not pay up front, which is wild to me. I would never want to turn any animal away.

Last year our family dog of 8 years became extremely sick all of a sudden. He was coughing, throwing up blood and shaking. We went to FIVE different locations trying to get help for him. No one would see us because we didn’t qualify for care credit, we didn’t have any money up front, and we didn’t have pet insurance. Our sweet boy was literally throwing up blood on the floors of their waiting rooms. They could see that he needed immediate help, but since we had no money right then, they all turned us away with a simple “sorry.” We finally had to ask someone to loan us the money until payday. $500.00. $500 is what they wanted up front just to even look at him. That didn’t even cover anything else. $500 and 20 minutes later we learned that his condition was too serious and he would more than likely not make it through any of the surgeries, and having him put to sleep would be the best route to go.

What a horrible experience to have to go through as pet owner. Just terrible. I never want to have to be in that position where I have to turn people and their pets away because of money.

I want to do the opposite and help as many animals as I can without having to answer to insurance bills and what not. I want to change the way people view animals. Most people look at them as just that, animals. When in reality, they are so much more. Without those animals we would have nothing.

Maybe one day the standard for that will change. I have my fingers crossed that it will. If you ask me, there should be free vet clinics in every town so that low income people can still take proper care of their furbabies. Because in this day and age, too many folks are quick to jump up and say “you don’t deserve a pet if you can’t take care of it!” But what a lot of those people don’t realize is that the people they are usually saying that to, can’t even afford healthcare for themselves. So, since the goverment fails us, we don’t deserve to be loved by any pets either? That’s just wild to me. Do better people.

An Understanding

Daily writing prompt
What’s something most people don’t understand?

Most people don’t understand how important it is that we keep our Earth safe and clean. We use her and abuse her daily with all of our stuff and meaningless junk. We strip her of her trees to fill in with houses that are so overpriced, no one ever buys them. Businesses that get built, but are too pricey so they sit on wonderful land, land that could home a numerous amount of creatures and critters, just sits there. Waiting. collecting dust. And for what?

Our oceans are being plucked bare by commercial fishermen. Which in turn is killing off the vital creatures we need in the ocean. Larger prey type creatures are being killed and/or their babies being stripped from them because they pose a threat to fishermen. They are the competition, so they must eliminate them. And since we are human and they are animals, they just kill them. And sell them off like they are nothing. Without even realizing the damage they are doing to the ocean. It’s all a chain reaction. Fishermen steal the fish, which is food for larger animals in the ocean. Larger animals get mixed up with fishermen and lose their lives for trying to catch a meal that is solely there for them. With less and less larger fish and sharks and dolphins in the water, the corals and sea plants are not protected from the suns rays so they start to die off and bleach out. Killing innocent ANIMALS (yes, corals are animals and ALIVE) and knocking out a whole ecosystem in that area. The ocean has more areas that we have little knowledge about yet we continue to destroy her and steal from her daily. Commercial fishermen are taking from her so fast that she doesnt have time to replenish. Species are slowly dying off for your overpriced “dolphin safe” “fresh” seafood meal. A meal that many animals lost their life for and was also caught last season for it to be so fresh. A lot of people don’t know that we get more oxygen from our oceans than we do trees. A large percentage of the worlds oxygen comes from corals. The same corals that are bleaching and dying out.

We are learning about things more now than we ever have. Did you know that we really didn’t know that much about domestic cats until the early 2000s? And even then they just recently learned why cats purr and meow and that they have flewible spines with like a grvaity clock and that’s why they always land on their feet. I mean up until a few years ago people just started to realize that dogs and cats ARE self aware. Before that, everyone believed they weren’t, and that they didn’t have feelings and emotions. They also just recently discovered that dogs do see in color. But each breed sees different colors, and since breeds are all over the place these days with designer dogs, it really depends on the dog on which colors they can and cannot see. With the few things I’ve read on that, I would gather that very voal dogs can see more if not all colors, like we can. Huskies are one of the dogs at the top that can see almost all colors. they are extremely vocal dogs, also. What do you think?

A lot of people don’t understand how plants and trees can feel. But they can. We have learned that plants respond to music, touch, voices, and so much more. Trees are not only majestic and shade providers, they are a network between each other. For example, the forest or group of trees closest to your house are all connected. If you could see through the layers of the ground you would see that all the roots of each tree are stretched out and holding onto to each other. They send pulses through their roots to talk, help, or warn each other. But it doesn’t stop there! Trees have a special toxin that is released into the air to warn other trees further away that there might be danger near. Isn’t that amazing? Trees will warn each other about pesky bugs or a human with an axe. They look out for each other. And I think that’s absolutely beautiful.

I think that people don’t understand most things because they simply don’t want to. Asking questions and researching certain things is not that hard and the most effective way to learn. But some people don’t actually care enough. They put on a show about how you should “be healthy, be happy, don’t judge, save the Earth, recycle…” but never actually follow through with that stuff. Just want to preach it to others.

My husband and I have big dreams when it comes to nature and wildlife. We want to jump in and help save the planet as much as we can. My husband is currenting going to school for marine biology. He has had an obsession with the ocean for as long as he can remember and being a marine biologist has been his dream since he was a boy. He’s finally been able to start that journey and I’m so proud of him because he is killing it at school. Amazing grades! You go, baby!

I have always had a sweet connection with animals. I have loved animals since I was a baby. My birthday cakes were always animal theme (mostly horses I believe, lol), I had stuffed animals instead of Barbies, and I spent my childhood outisde digging in dirt and talking to critters I found. I’ve had many, many pets over the years, but I’ve never had the privelige of working with animals in a professional setting. And the problem with that is that most places require experience for those jobs. but if you can’t get a job without the experience, how am I supposed to get the experience for the job in the first place? School. Once my husband is a little closer to graduation or I feel I have the time to add school to my plate (maybe when our youngest is just a little bit older. It’s difficult with two children on the spectrum in the home to get anything done) I will. I’ve went back and forth and back and forth on what I’ll go for. I know for a fact I want it to be something with animals. But theres so many to choose from. But I think I will go for wildlife conservation. Get a broad start so that way maybe I can really see what my favorite field would be. I do want to do a couple photography classes, but to go along with my conservation degree. The problem is I want to know about every single living creature on the Earth and in the oceans and I want to know all the “fun fact” things and just everything about each and every one. Is that so bad? LOL.

Thank you all if you’ve read all of this. I got a little off topic, but my answer to the question just gets me going and ranting.

What’s your feelings on these issues, do you feel the same as me?

What do you think most people don’t understand?

My Health Journey

I’ve been on a journey this past year with my mental health and physical health. I’ve been seeing doctor after doctor and I’ve had appointment aftere appointment. But I’ve finally gotten some answers about myself.

For years I have thought something was wrong with me. I thought I was crazy or had others think I was crazy. I’ve done certain things a certain way for the majority of my life. I say things a way and I collect random stuff.

I have been diagnosed with OCD, MDD, and Generalized Anxiety. I’ve known about the MDD and GAD. But learning about my OCD has opened so many things up for me. I finally can understand why I do things the way I do or why I have certain fears, or my hoarding obsessions.

I am finally starting to feel like myself again. I have learned to embrace the parts of my OCD that do not cause me distress, but satisfy my OCD needs. Like cleaning, organizing, and collecting of useful items.

but I have learned that OCD is about more than just cleaniness and organizing. It is so much more. So many things about myslef that I didn’t understand have been answered by just getting disgnosed. I have learned so much about myself and why I do things the way I do.

I will say the biggest influence on your outcome is yourself. I pushed to have all these things done myself. I self recommended my behavorial health assessments. I self recommended my therapist and I also self recommended an emotional support animal for myself because I have more MDD episodes when I’m alone. Which the doctor was impressed that I did it myself, and after his testing and evaluations, I got approved for my sweet Henry boy to be my ESA.

Soon I will be starting OCD therapy to be able to cope or overcome the anxiety or distress that certain circumstances give me. I told my doctor that I wanted to do the therapy first to see how things go before we try any medications for the OCD. I have an extremely low tolerance for medications. I take Lexapro for anxiety and depression, but because of my tolerance I can only take 2.5mg a day. I’ve had severe reactions to other medications we’ve tried. One was so bad the nurse line nurse made me go in because she thought I was having a heart attack!

All in all, my progress is amazing and I thank my husband for everything he has done. He has been my rock through all of this and continues to push me to better myself and get the things I need to help myself. I haven’t felt this good in a while and I owe it all to my husband and my amazing doctor team!

Just wanted to share my story with you all in hopes that it gives you the courage to advocate for yourselves! Only you can truly know what is going on within your body. Don’t settle!

Passtime Activities

What activities do you lose yourself in?

When I get the chance to, I always lose myself in a good book. I haven’t had much time here recently between doctors appointments, work and the kiddos. But when I do, it usually sucks me in.

I can lose myself in the art of baking or cooking. I just get right in my zone and whip stuff up! I enjoy it so much. Turn up some tunes and start slicing and dicing!

Travel around for photos of wildlife or nature. I could literally do this for hours, if we can afford the gas and have the time for it. I could drive around for hours just looking for little critters or birds or water fowl or anything beautiful and natural just praying for a chance at one good shot with my camera.

This last one kind of falls in the same category as the last block of this blog, but standing at my back kitchen door watching all the birds at my feeders. I could do this for hours with or without my camera, and have on days where I went to work a couple hours after the kiddos went to school. I love watching them land in the tree near my feeders and look around while they inch closer and closer to grab a bite. I have gotten several photos I’d love to show with you all. I’ll have to make a separate post for that.