Support

Nobody really talks about the dark side of parenting. The, all too known, downs that come along with the responsibility of raising another human. Why is that no one talks about that part? Is it because they’re afraid to feel like a failure around other parents who seem to have their lives all figured out?

The reality of parenting is a lot different than most people actually think. It’s not always so simple and easy going. When parents struggle financially it puts a strain on each moment. Will there be enough to feed my children? We will have hot water tomorrow to bathe them? Will the power be on when it’s cold outside?

All of these everyday life necessities become a constant burden filled with anxiety. Then with the added stress of necessities being lost, you pick up more shifts to be able to afford those necessities a little longer. But then you are away from home longer so your children start to act out because of lack of attention from you. It’s a never ending cycle.

Every trip to the store becomes a nightmare. Every item on the shelves is what your little one wants. But even the things you need to buy but can’t at the moment become a “not this time honey” item. Then you pray on the way home for a miracle and promise yourself that it won’t always be this way. Then remember you decided a long time ago that your babies wouldn’t have to grow up the same way you did. But immediately feel like a failure as a parent for not being able to afford a small little piece of candy or a $5 toy that your child begged for earlier.

These parents hide in the shadows, so no one can judge them. They are the parents of the kids that have a couple holes in their shoes, of the kids who have broken zippers on their backpack, of the kids who don’t pack lunch or bring a snack to school. These are the parents who look like models for Good Will while their children have new clothes or nicer clothes.

The same parents that seem to get their children too much for holidays like birthday or Christmas because they feel the need to fill all the times they had to say no.

I believe too many times these days parents are pointing fingers and judging other parents. As parents we should hold each oher up. I mean a lot of parents are single or have no other family members or they have family but they won’t have anything to do with them. I see it so much now a days it’s becoming the new normal.

Only other parents know the real struggle of the everyday life as a caretaker. So aren’t we there for each other? To lift them up when they are down, or to listen when they are crying about being overwhelmed. Or just stopping by to let them have 5 minutes of peace because you know how it feels to be overwhelmed and have no one there to help.

“It takes a village” is not just about raising the babies as a group. It’s supposed to be a support system. Other people giving a helping hand to other people. Those “villages” lean on each other for everything. They have roles within their family so the system works.

Having a village is also a good way to know you always have someone to talk to about problems. It could prevent you from having postpartum depression. Children are cared for however they need to be whether mom is struggling mentally or not.

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Business

Running a business as a partial owner is quite frustrating sometimes. You feel as though you have all your shit together when, in reality, it’s everywhere. It’s even harder when your parter is hardly ever available. It feels like the business is all in your hands. All the success and all the failure.

My days consist of the same daily duties with advertising on social media for our business, which includes creating all content. Along with orgaizing events down the road and evets through other companies or organizations. I also take care of most of the recipes that need to be created and planning daily and weekly specials, that need to be updated almost daily.

Running a business that isn’t solely yours is sometimes not as fun. I get discouraged almost daily feeling like my dreams are once again on the backburner so I can lift someone elses dreams up. Ultimately I feel defeated most days worrying about my future and the future of my children who hardly get to see me as I work my days away for another person, again.

I dream of the day that I own my business fully and have no one else to consult on any decision within the business. I would make all the decisions, ordering, advertisement, etc. I will admit that being partial owner of someone elses business has given me the opportunity to explore what I’m capable of as a CEO or business owner. I’ve learned many things being involved with this company and it has strengthened my management skills.

Learning the flow of the business is probably the most important step, besides learning your customers or audience. Once you learn the rhythm of what customers prefer or purchase on the daily, then the flow of the business will come easily. You’ll start to learn when product needs to be ordered, what products get sold the most, and what products are not as popular. The customers are at the top of the list when you are in any kind of retail typer business including restaurants. Demands in your area are what your products, merchandise, and menu needs to reflect from.

Keeping it professional, yet personal when customers is always a plus. Customers love when you remember what they order or even their name to be able to greet them as soon as they walk in. Customers are always top priority.

All in all, co owning a business isn’t completely discouraging. You learn things that only real life situations can teach. Stuff that isn’t in any books or essays. Those little ups and downs nobody talks about. Real experience.

I hope that one day my turn will come, but I’ll keep learning and growing as I go. I will own my own business one day. You are never too old to chase down your dreams. That’s the only way to achieve them. They don’t follow you around waiting until you’re ready. So go chase your dreams. They are not waiting around for you, you have to take them.

Readers World

What books do you want to read?

Reading has become one of my favorite things to do. It relaxes my body and sends my mind to a place of ease. Books are my zen place. I have recently been obsessed with Kristin Hannah books. I’ve read quite a few of heer books already, but she has way more that I could add to my collection.

The majority of Kristin Hannah books are of Historical Fiction. The books take place in past historical moments, so the locations and places are real, but the stories are of her own mind. The stories are full of heros.

The first book of Hannahs that would be at the top of my list of books to read would be The Nightingale.

Hold On

Did you know that “mother” trees are always the oldest tree in a bunch? The “toddler” trees may even be the same size as her eventually, but she holds the crown with her root network.

She provides nutrients and water to “toddler” trees when they are weak or sick.

When her time has come, she cracks and tumbles down. The “toddler” trees will then begin to take over her spot in the sunlight and continue to flourish, while the others turn to hummus.

But the remaining trees, including the take over toddler tree, cling to her roots. Holding onto their loved one for as long as they can.

In this life, I believe, that we are too quick to let go of the people we love over silly little things. It’s hard to find others that truly and genuinely care about you. So when you find them, hold on to them for as long as you can.

Cloudy Day

Even on rainy days, nature is absolutely stunning.

The gloomy, gray clouds make the sky look so dramatic. Especially with the bright backlight from the sun beaming in behind their fluffiness.

The blue sky is such a brilliant blue gem that adds the most magnificent backdrop to the clouds.

Through all the gloomy, wet weather, she still shines.

Remember that when you feel less than you’re worth. So you always know you have a purpose here.

Without You

When I was younger, Christmas was so much different. I guess that’s the same for most everyone as they grow. I would wake up super early and wait for my parents to wake. When they were awake, my mama would make us a Christmas breakfast. We would all eat and laugh and talk about our day ahead.

The day before we would spend at my grandparents for Christmas. We would eat and talk. Then spend time opening our gifts and taking photos. The day before that would be spent traveling to Crossville, TN to spend with my daddy’s side of the family. My great, great grandfather, cousins, aunts, uncles. The whole shebang.

After we opened presents on Christmas day, I spent time in my room. Playing with new toys or gadgets. One year I got a trampoline and that was my favorite year. I wore that thing out. But those times are long gone now.

The joy in the seasons I see now is in my children’s eyes and faces. If I have no spirit, it makes Christmas less fun for them. But most holidays now are hard to enjoy. I lost my mama last year and things have been a struggle for me.

It’s hard to explain, and I know most won’t understand, but my relationship with my mama is almost nonexistent.  For many years we weren’t very close. I was closer to her mama, Shirley. After she died in 2005, I rebelled even harder and we became very distant.

As I continued to get older, I snuck around a lot. But I eventually calmed down a lot, then met my husband. We had our first baby two years in the relationship. My parents immediately fell in love with our son. From that point on our relationship started to grow.

We had a couple more babies down the road and the love was overflowing. But times were still a struggle for my family financially.  So we decided to move to Minnesota for a better chance with jobs. My parents were devastated of course. But we FaceTime quite often.

We had been moved away for almost a year when my mama called to tell me she was sick. Daddy had taken her to the hospital and she was being admitted. She was having trouble breathing.

Covid test was positive. She couldn’t hardly breathe, so they had to get her a mask. The covid turned into pneumonia, and it was all down hill from there.

She was put on a ventilator. Her lung collapsed, two broken ribs from CPR, bed sores. They finally woke her up and gave her a trach. She couldn’t talk and she couldn’t breathe without her machine. Her health continued to decline until eventually her heart couldn’t take anymore. That was on April 7th, 2021.

My life completely changed.

My children’s lives changed.

I have been such a wreck.

Holidays are way different. My mama is calling to see the babies. She isn’t sending gifts for each birthday or Christmas. She isn’t here to watch my youngest grow. She got a few months with her before we moved 1300 miles away. They all adored her and she lived for them.

You never really know how much you need your mama until she isn’t there anymore. I’ve felt so lost without her. Like I’m doing everything wrong, and simply just failing.

So, if you have your mama still, hug her extra tight for me. Cause I miss mine so freaking much, it hurts most days. 💔

Monsters

Not my photo. Credit: unknown.

I pass by, tickling the hair on your neck.

I creep at night to keep you awake.

But as light dawns, it is still me, always here.

As the days go by I build myself up, stronger.

Each move is menacing while I lurk around every corner.

You can try to run, hide, change yourself to knock me down.

But I am the darkness when you close your eyes, the itch can’t reach, the goal you won’t chase.

Do you know who I am?