All the Moments

“Do you guys have to leave? I’ll miss you while you’re gone.”

Being a parent is one of the most important, but exhausting roles to be done. It is rewarding while it is also discouraging. Some days you feel like the best parent in the world, while others you feel like everything is just all wrong.

Each day is a giant step when being parent. It pushes you to your breaking points and tests the limits of your anxiety and stress. Boundaries are nonexistent, arguments are abundant, and messes are expected.

Nothing is ever fair in my home, apparently. According to my children, anyway. It feels like a constant battle every day.

Most days are very rewarding with little adventures, story times, popcorn and a movie, making brunch together, big hugs, and sweet kisses. The good days outshine every second of the yucky ones.

All of it becomes do overwhelming some days though and you feel as though you could break. But then all of sudden, everything stops when you hear “I love you mommy.”

Recently my husband and I had planned a date night and had told our kids about it. We had finished up work and picked them up from school reminding them about our date. While finding dinner for their grandmother to make them, my oldest comes up to me with tears in his eye and says, “do you guys have to leave? I’ll miss you while you’re gone.” Then my middle daughter said “I’ll miss you mommy.” While my youngest daughter is hugging my leg crying. My heart burst straight open and I started to cry. I had a rush of emotions that maybe we were doing something right with them and they do love me. Some days are very hard and you begin to question how much they love you.

In that moment though, it all melted away. All the second guesses about myself, all the nights worrying if I had been a good enough mother that day. Everything seemed to fall into place and I felt like I was doing right by them somewhere. It is such a rewarding feeling every time it happens.

Those are the moments that make it all worth it at the end of each day.

The Path

When you’re a child, everyone talks about the path you might take as an adult. When you’re older, your path might be way different than you might think now. Like you may want to be a princess or veterinary, and then you become a teacher when you get older.

But who said there was only one path for each person? And is that the truth?

I believe that each path is a new and exciting roadway to different aspects of your future. The roads you decide not to take are just missed opportunities that weren’t in the direction of your destination at that time. Something you may not have needed in your life at that specific moment. The choices you made and paths you took at the time were a plan all along. No one really knows their true plan, but possibly have a glimpse of it in their lifetime.

I believe I have not yet had that glimpse. I’m not sure what path I need to be on at this point in my life. I just push through each day burning in the suns heat as I stand on the side of the road.

There are so many things that interest me, but how does one decide which ones to pursue for careers and which ones are just something fun and relaxing?

A good percentage of people in school decide what their career will be while still in school. They just know that that is what they want to do. So, when college time rolls around, they are all set. But what is the percentage of those people that end up switching their major into something completely different?

I could’ve already had my glimpse, but how would I know? How does anyone know for sure? Maybe they don’t. Maybe that’s what I’m missing. Maybe they don’t fully know but take the chance anyway because it’s something they enjoy. And who doesn’t want a career that doesn’t feel like work?

For me, I believe I think too hard on things. I mean, how could I possibly choose a career when I haven’t done anything in my life? I haven’t been anywhere; I haven’t done many things that most people my age would’ve already done by now. I have really not lived.

Born and raised in a small town in Northern Georgia, I didn’t travel much, I barely saw snow until I moved to Minnesota, I never really took risks in my life either. Up until recently, fear had completely consumed me. I was literally scared of everything until I saw a doctor about my anxiety. So, what does that mean about me?

I still have crippling anxiety and severe depression, but I want more out of my life. I want an exciting career that thrills me every day and keeps me interested. A career I can call mine and spend my days bettering myself at. I want to live my life to the fullest without worrying about my anxiety. I don’t want my anxiety to be substrate for my paths throughout my life.

So, if you are struggling in your life right now with decisions about anything, reach out to me. Maybe we can talk and exchange life experiences. I’m always here for anyone who needs an ear to listen. I know all too well how it feels to not have anyone to talk to about problems. I, too, struggle and have found some light at the tunnel with this blogging app.

And who knows, maybe your path crosses mine because we are meant to be friends.